Secret SisterHood - Excerpt
Chapter 1 - Shelby Tomlinson
(cont'd)
***
Shelby eased into her SUV. The leather seats were warm, so she turned on the air conditioner. North Carolina was experiencing an Indian summer. Even though it was late summer, the temperatures were still reaching ninety and above. The heat and humidity were something she had been used to all her life, so they didn’t really bother her.
As she headed out of the parking lot, Shelby thought more about how afraid she was to talk to her husband. She couldn’t let the fear get the best of her though. She knew if she didn’t try to face the fear head on, it would continue to haunt her. It was time for her and Phillip to talk and as far as Shelby was concerned, this would be the night. This time she would stand her ground and not let his evasiveness deter her from talking about wanting to have a child. Thoughts of her past failed attempts to broach the subject of getting pregnant, made her heart quicken. Her husband would often change the subject or make up lame stories about having to go somewhere or do something. But not tonight. She wouldn’t allow it.
The forty-five minute commute home would give Shelby time to figure out exactly how and when the conversation would take place. She turned the radio to 1520 AM to listen to the traffic report for possible delays on the interstate. Traffic was already pretty heavy. Silvermont had its share of accidents during rush hour. And she didn’t want to be hindered trying to get home.
After listening to the traffic report, she turned the CD player on. This evening she felt like listening to contemporary Gospel. The music would help her relax and think of a good way to broach the subject with Phillip.
While listening to the soothing melodies, Shelby devised the plan, which included having dinner ready when Phillip came home. With no time to cook, she stopped by Mama Lula’s restaurant. Mama Lula’s had the best southern cooking in Silvermont. Anything her appetite could desire could be found at Mama Lula’s. From Chiterlings to fried catfish, Mama Lula had it. Both she and Phillip loved eating there. Shelby’s hope was that after some good food and TLC, they’d both be relaxed enough to talk.
With the plans made, her mind wondered again to the times she had tried to talk to Phillip. It baffled her. Why was he being so evasive? He had always been supportive when it came to everything else. Usually they could talk about anything. Not wanting to relapse into another attack, she focused on positive memories instead of the negative. She reminisced about the days when they first met and dated in college.
Thoughts of their meeting and dating always brought a smile to her face. The first time she laid eyes on Phillip had been on the secluded third floor of the library, when she was studying for an anatomy exam. Shelby thought he was one of the most gorgeous guys she had ever seen, standing at least, 6' 3”. His hazel eyes were mesmerizing even from where she sat. Looking at his jet-black curly hair, she wondered if it felt as soft as it looked. His skin was the color of chocolate mocha - a complement to her tawny colored skin.
She saw him on several occasions in the library, but never spoke. She just admired him from afar- until one evening when he surprised her by coming over to speak. After taking the seat next to her, he introduced himself. Nervously she introduced herself, but as they made small talk, the nervousness soon passed. Their small talk ran smoothly until the library closed. Before parting, they exchanged numbers.
He called her a couple of days later and that same night they went on their first date. They had gone to Mama Lula’s. For a month straight they talked every day on the phone and went on several more secluded dates. After a month and a half they became an official couple. These thoughts always brought a smile to Shelby’s face.
It wasn’t until after they were officially dating that she found out Phillip was very popular on campus. He had kept secrets about his being in a fraternity, his star status on the football team and his family’s wealth. Phillip explained his reasoning for withholding the information. Telling her he was looking for a girl who wanted him for him and not for the popularity or money. He promised from then on he wouldn’t hold anything back from her.
It was true. They had been able to discuss anything. Shelby had even confided to him about her problems with anxiety attacks. They had been open about everything the first couple of years of their marriage - that is until the subject of children came up. And for the life of her, Shelby couldn't understand why Phillip acted the way he was. It baffled her, and she wanted to finally get to the bottom of it.
Shelby pushed the button on the garage opener and waited for the door to fully open before rolling into her parking space. She was careful to avoid hitting the boxes of automobile memorabilia her husband stacked there for their newly built, unattached garage. His hobby was restoring cars and the unattached garage was his on-going pet project.
His parking space was empty; she was glad to have beaten him home. After closing the garage behind her, she grabbed the containers of food and entered the house through the side door that led directly into their kitchen. She set the food down on the counter and quickly turned to disarm the security system. Hearing the pitter-patter of paws rounding the corner, she looked down to greet her dog. “Goldie.” She bent over and stroked the cocker spaniel’s head. “Have you been a good girl today?”
The dog panted rapidly, her tail wagging furiously. She licked Shelby’s hand.
“Goldie, I’m going to have to put you in the backyard for a couple of hours. I’ve got some business to take care of.”
Shelby led the dog to the back yard making sure she had fresh water in her bowl, then proceeded with the preparations for Phillip’s arrival. She pulled a bottle of sparkling red grape juice from the wine rack and put it in the ice bucket. She opened the larger containers of food and placed hearty helpings of food on two lead crystal plates and then put them in the oven for warmth. Then she placed the smaller containers in the refrigerator.
Next, she moved into the dining room where she prepared two place settings and placed two new candles in the crystal holders. Feeling everything downstairs had been taken care of, she ascended the stairs to their master bathroom where she started running bathwater. She poured in strawberry scented bubble bath, lit the candles that sat around the garden tub, and turned the lights off.
In the closet of her bedroom she pulled out a plastic container, which held artificial rose-petals she had been saving. She dropped the petals on the floor, making a trail from the master bath to the garage. She figured Phillip’s curiosity would get the best of him, allowing the petals to lead him directly to her arms.
Again she ascended the stairs and entered the recreation room selecting three of their favorite soft jazz CDs. After starting the first CD, she punched a button so that the music could be heard throughout the house. She did one last check of her mental list, making sure nothing was forgotten. Pleased with all she had completed in such a short amount of time, she smiled.
She returned to their bedroom so she could look out of the window. She was just in time enough to see Phillip’s SUV entering the security gate of their sub-division. Quickly she returned to the master bathroom, removed her clothing, and turned the water off in the tub that was now full. She tested the water with her foot - it was hot and inviting. After immersing her body up to her neck, she allowed herself to enjoy the rhythmic sounds of the soft jazz. The smell of strawberries, from the strawberry bubble bath, permeated the room and made her stomach growl.
Shelby closed her eyes and said a quick prayer. She prayed that the night would go well without any anxiety attacks and that her husband would finally open up and talk. Then she waited patiently for him to appear in the bathroom.
Phillip peeked his head around the corner then filled the bathroom doorway. “Shelby, you are something else. May I ask what is going on?” his smile was longing.
Answering him seductively she said, “Phillip, do you really have to ask? You are a big boy, and I know you can figure it out.”
“Well, I bet if I don’t figure it out, you’ll help me,” he said, removing his tie and shirt.
After getting completely undressed, Phillip stepped into the tub and sat down with his back facing his wife. Shelby massaged his neck and shoulders in hopes to relieve any tension from his day at work. He in turn massaged her feet. They joined as one, relieving any mutual stress from their hard day at work.
An hour later, They were famished. Shelby held Phillip’s hand as she led him into the dining room.
“Baby, can you light the candles for me please?” She handed him the lighter.
Phillip did as he was asked. “The candles are lit, the music set for romance and sparkling juice is chilling,” he said looking at the bottle of juice. “What do you have in mind now?” Phillip asked. “Hold on a second.” He put his nose up in the air and sniffed. “I know that’s not what I think it is. I’d know that smell from anywhere. You went to Mama Lula’s, didn’t you?”
“Phillip, just have a seat and pour the juice. I’ll go get the food, since you think you know so much.” She retrieved the plates and hummed along with the music as she sauntered back towards the dining room.
Phillip poured the sparkling juice in their crystal long-stem glasses. “Baby,” Phillip said, “that bubble bath was right on time. We just closed a deal today, and my team is number one again this month. All those long hours I’ve been putting in are about to come to an end, at least for a week or two. I couldn’t have asked for a better celebration than this.”
Shelby returned, balancing a plate in each hand. “Here you are my dear; all of your favorites.”
“Whew, baby, you really know how to take care of your man, don’t you?”
Once her hands were empty, Phillip took them into his and pulled her down onto his lap. He then placed both of his hands on the small of her back to embrace her tenderly.
Shelby wrapped her arms around his neck, touching her forehead and nose on his so that they looked directly into each other’s eyes. She kissed him for what seemed like forever.
When they stopped for a breather, Phillip said, “I am the luckiest man in the world. You are my angel. You are not only the most beautiful woman in the world on the outside, but on the inside as well.” His muscular hand stroked her hair gently.
“I love you so much.” She let her hands massage his broad muscular shoulders and arms. She kissed him again until his stomach growled loud enough for them both to hear. They busted out laughing simultaneously. “I guess we’d better eat,” Shelby said and continued laughing and took her seat.
Phillip gazed down at the collard greens with pieces of country ham, baked macaroni and cheese, stuffed pork chops and candied yams heaped on his plate. Two big pieces of broccoli-cheese corn bread sat atop the collards.
“Umph, my mouth is watering.” Phillip licked his lips. “Mama Lula’s, I told you. You know these are all my favorite foods. The only thing missing is the banana pudding.”
“It is in the refrigerator,” Shelby smirked and gave him an air kiss.
“I should have known. What on earth are you trying to do to me? It’s a good thing I don't have to work tomorrow. And even better, I'll have three days to rest from the work out you just put me through,” he said, taking her hand into his again.
“It’s still early. I might let you have a little rest later on tonight.” Shelby winked.
They held hands while Shelby said grace. Then they dug into their food as if they had not eaten in days. Once finished, their stomachs were too full to eat banana pudding. They made their own dessert after returning to their bedroom, before drifting off to sleep.
****
“Baby. Baby. Wake up,” Shelby said in a whisper as she shook Phillip’s exposed muscular shoulder. She could hear his soft snoring as he slept peacefully next to her in a semi-fetal position.
He stirred a little and returned to snoring. She then took her index finger and lightly traced his lips.
Finally he woke, twitching his mouth and nose, then smiled up at her. His voice was husky. “That tickles.”
“Wake up. I’ve got a taste for some of that banana pudding.”
“Yeah, what time is it?” he asked without looking at the clock.
“It’s almost 11:00.”
“Is that all? It feels like I slept for more than a couple of hours. Ummm!” He uncurled his body, stretching the full length of the bed, and let out a deep breath. “Banana pudding would hit the spot right now.”
Shelby’s face beamed. “Good! I’ll go get it.” She crawled out of the bed heading for the kitchen. Once she was downstairs she leapt for joy with excitement. Her plan was working so far. Her heart beat with nervous anticipation. She hugged herself with glee and tried to calm her nerves. Regaining her composure, she pulled the containers of banana pudding out of the refrigerator and returned to the bedroom.
She could still feel the pounding of her heartbeat as she ascended the stairs. Once she was on the landing outside their bedroom door, she paused and said another quick prayer to God asking for His favor and for things to continue to go smoothly. Once finished, she took a deep breath and entered the room.
“Here you are,” she swiftly closed the distance, returning to their bed.
After handing Phillip his banana pudding, they both dug in, devouring their dessert.
“Umph, umph, umph, that was good,” Phillip said, rubbing his washboard stomach after eating the last drop.
Nervousness began to set in. “Do you want something to drink?” Shelby asked. She felt her mouth start to go dry thinking about what she had to do next.
“No, I’m fine,” he said, snuggling back under the down covers for warmth.
“Well, I’m going to get some water.” She hopped back out of bed and headed for the kitchen again. She couldn’t believe she was starting to lose her nerve again. Her mouth was so dry. But she knew it was now or possibly never. Plus she knew there was nowhere he could possibly say he had to go to at almost 11:30 at night, and he was full and rested. She took two huge gulps of the cold water.
With all the courage she could muster and remembering the prayer she had said just a few minutes before, she returned to bed to talk with her husband.
After fluffing her pillows and taking another two gulps of water, Shelby took a deep breath before speaking. “Guess who came into the office today?”
“I don’t know, who?” Phillip snuggled up against her and caressed her neck as he spoke.
“Do you remember when I told you about the Hendersons, April and her husband? We saw them at Ginny’s the night we were celebrating your promotion.”
He was silent for a moment, pausing to think. “Oh, yeah. What about them?”
“She came in to have a pregnancy test, and she is finally pregnant!” Shelby said excitedly.
“Oh. That’s good,” Phillip said, his voice flat - almost inaudible.
Shelby immediately noticed the change in Phillip’s tone as well as the stiffening of his body. He pulled away from her slightly. She was at a loss for words. Then Phillip started wiping his forehead and she could have sworn she saw little beads of sweat forming there.
After a minute or so of silence, he finally spoke. “Yeah that’s real good for them. I know they must be happy.” He threw the covers off and jumped out of bed. “You know what? I think I do need some water.” Without waiting for a response, he left the room.
Shelby’s jaw dropped open. She couldn’t believe it was happening again. He had found a way to finagle his way out of the conversation again. She had no idea what to do.
Her eyes began to water just before feeling stinging tears stream down her cheeks.
Looking up to Heaven, Shelby spoke to God.
“God, I don’t understand what is going on. Lord, I just can’t take this anymore. I need your help. I need You to give me some kind of answer. Lord, I need some release from all of my pain. What am I supposed to do?”
She sat in the silence of the room. The other parts of the house silent. Minutes passed as she waited on an answer from God. Then she thought, how it silly to think God was going to answer in some kind of loud booming voice.
She was tired, and even though she didn’t want to, she was ready to give up the fight. She made up her mind that she wasn’t going to push her husband into something he didn’t want to do. She cried harder as she felt all of her hope was slipping away.
*****
Phillip realized that the twelfth hour had come, and he couldn’t avoid discussing the subject he most dreaded. He headed for the downstairs’ bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He looked in the mirror and hated the reflection of the man staring back at him.
As soon as Phillip realized Shelby wanted to talk about having children, their normally large and roomy king size bed seemed to shrink into a twin size bed. And the walls felt like closed in on him also. He started to get hot and felt beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He was burning up and his mouth had become. He had to get out of the bedroom and get some air.
Each time Shelby brought up the subject of children, Phillip couldn’t talk about it. He wanted children with his wife just as much as she did, but knew his past wouldn’t allow that to happen. Phillip had skeletons in his closet that were trying to break free. He wanted to confide in Shelby, but he couldn’t. It was the one subject he just couldn’t bring up. Phillip knew he might lose his wife because of his deception, but he was tired of running, tired of hiding the truth.
He no longer wanted to hurt Shelby by his elusiveness and dishonesty. He wiped his face. He had to talk to Shelby, had to tell her the truth. He only hoped she would understand and forgive him. He prayed God would give him the strength he needed to come clean. Even though he had asked God for forgiveness years earlier, the past still ate away at him. Phillip turned to go back upstairs.
He would finally tell her the truth.
COPYRIGHT © MONIQUE MILLER 2007